Growing up I had difficulty expressing my thoughts and my needs. The time and the environment I was raised in was restrictive. Physically, emotionally and verbally restrictive.

My early years took place during the last decade of Romanian communism and early teenage years fell under the freshly imported democracy. This post is not about  the cultural or historical influences on my upbringing (helaas!), but more a reflection on the elements of support that I found during those times.

Support is an act that, in Gestalt therapy, is best offered as much as necessary and as little as possible (in Lore Perls words).

And to come back to my early years experience:

I was born in the big, dangerous and noisy city. My parents, in their intention to offer me protection, safety and care, have decided to send me to the countruside, to spend my summers in “freedom” with my grandparents.  They, parents and grandparents, were struggling to express their real feelings and needs too. Not speaking about their pains or speaking only surface topics was the best way to ensure safety and survival. Something that was not allowed in the environment of that time.

It was during this time that found support in nature and books, and later in foreign languages. 

Being in nature allowed me to be fully me! I was fascinated by the rhythms of nature, the storms and warm summer silences. The rivers and the firu’ ierbii care taie [en: the sharp grass blade that cuts the skin].

Books came later. I picked this up from my father. He would read (and still does) novels and historical literature that my mom got spare (unsold) copies from the only bookshop in the neigbourhood – potentially, as a form of support for himself.

Languages came later, when openness towards the experience of others found a way to settle in the country – with foreign music, films, and with studying them at school.  English, for me, felt as a treasured escape (my secret language): a way to get in touch with my emotional side, and catch up with all the feels I was resisting and did not have a name for them. 

All of these have been and continue to be solid pillars of support for my life and I keep them very close to my heart. 

By being in nature I developed an awareness of myself, the other and the world around me; With reading I found words and stories that touched me and developed a vocabulary for the experience that I personally had or it made me able to empathise with the stories of others. And foreign languages, ironically enough, have provided me with words for the emotional experiences I was struggling with growing up. Translating them into my native Romanian language alsways touches deeper layers within me.

Now, in my therapy practice, I am guided by the story of the client and I look for moments, tools and means of support that they have but might not fully acknowledge and even see. We work to find that “tiny thing” – as much as necessary and as little as possible –  which brings joy, encourages growth and opens closed states of being. 

When together, we acknowledge the enabling supports new awareness starts to catch root and tiny new opportunities start to surface. It’s with these moment by moment points of experience that we work. They provide form and meaning to the lived experience and become a sustainable resource for the future. 

What have you experienced recently as support? 

How was that helpful for you?

Was it too much? Or too little? 

And were you able to express these qualities to the world around you?

Liefs,

Adina